Thursday, November 13, 2008

Cannonball Read #4: Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer

I hate myself. The only cuddly vampire I want to associate with is this one:

Sarah already did an excellent and scathing review of Twilight, and honestly I don't feel like writing one. I was curious and masochistic. I was embarrassed to read it on the subway. And I stayed up until 3:00am on a WORK NIGHT so I could finish. I found Bella to be a spineless pushover, Edward to be creepy, and the writing to be shallow. And still I needed to know what happened next.

:sobs:

The plot? Mope, shiver, complain, ooh he's pretty, mope, stare, pine, his eyes are like topaz, perfect body, perfect hair, sparkle, almost kiss, sparkle, run really fast, mmm tasty people blood, order Bella around, obey, watch her sleep, inexplicable lack of restraining orders, CHISLED PERFECT PRETTY CHEST, sparkle, smell, run, fight, sparkle, prom.


The end. Now excuse me while I borrow the next one.

10 comments:

Marra Alane said...

now excuse me while I borrow the next one

I know, right? It's like, you know it's bad for you and is actively making you stupider, but you just can't stop. Like a ANTM marathon.

Pajibagirl said...

I love the way you write. And I remember being on the phone with you the night you read this!

Julie said...

Julie can't respond to any of your comments, she's too busy looking up pictures of Robert Pattinson and drooling.

KIDDING.

I am kidding right? :sets self on fire:

Jeremy Feist said...

Julie, my heart goes out to you. I refuse to cave in on this one. I remember caving in on the Davinci Code, knowing fully well that the dialogue and the exposition were written with all the subtlety and nuance of a drunken fratboy on a riding lawmower, yet being powerless to stop. Never again, dammit. Never again...

Liz said...

hahahahahahahahahaha. Now you know what I went through when I read the first three books. I managed to tear myself away, and now I'm afraid to read book 4.

I think one of the things that really pisses me off is this shit is the *first* book SMeyer ever wrote. And she got it published?! Doesn't she know you should have at least one under your bed before you even try to get published?!

That, and I'm pretty sure even I am a better write than she is.

Sarah said...

Oh, Julie. They only get worse, both in the suckage and the sucking-you-in. The insidious evil grows exponentially. Get out while you still can, dude. And WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT READ MIDNIGHT SUN. I mean it. It will not make you happy. Your brain cells will begin physically pummeling each other. For serious.

Julie said...

I CAN'T STOP!!! I already borrowed the next one.

:lets out a Homer Simpson shriek:

Az said...

Don't fight it. Just read them all and wallow in an orgy of self-hatred after. Like ripping off a band-aid: do it all at one time. Just close your eyes and yank. It's easier that way, trust me. And, whatever you do, do not pick up the Black Dagger Brotherhood series by J.R. Ward.

MelodyLane said...

Dude. You must be a masochist, right?

The ads for the movie annoy me to point where there is no way in hell I could read the damned book.

belleshpgrl said...

I am chugging through these books, too. I am determined to finish them all before I see the movie with my friends who are OBSESSED with this. They are the only reason I'm reading it. But I can't stop reading them even though they are TERRIBLY written and Bella is so lame. In fact, all of the characters are lame. I had to force myself to watch Pushing Daisies last night to clear my mind of the numbness.

I hear the fourth book is divisive. I wonder what happens. You see much more of Jacob in the 2nd (who I find to be likeable) and I want to see what happens with him. Oh my God! See? See what this series does to people!? AHhhhhh!