Cannonball Read #7: New Moon, by Stephenie Meyer

There is nothing I can say about this book that this brilliant stick figure cartoon already hasn't.



Plot summary:

Sparkle, sparkle, 18th birthday, whatever shall I do now that I'm a people year older than my non-sexual boyfriend, sparkle, sparkle, presents whee!, bleeding eee!, Edward bye, mope, numb, overreact, mope, Jacob's cute, Jacob's just my friend, but Jacob's so sweet, Jacob's just my friend, PRETTY SATIN CURTAINS HAIR, cocktease, cocktease, I LIVE FOR DANGER, mope, disembodied voice of Edward, mope, Italy, suicide by excessive sparkling, whine, make me a vampire!!, whine, The End.

Cannonball Read #4: Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer

I hate myself. The only cuddly vampire I want to associate with is this one:

Sarah already did an excellent and scathing review of Twilight, and honestly I don't feel like writing one. I was curious and masochistic. I was embarrassed to read it on the subway. And I stayed up until 3:00am on a WORK NIGHT so I could finish. I found Bella to be a spineless pushover, Edward to be creepy, and the writing to be shallow. And still I needed to know what happened next.

:sobs:

The plot? Mope, shiver, complain, ooh he's pretty, mope, stare, pine, his eyes are like topaz, perfect body, perfect hair, sparkle, almost kiss, sparkle, run really fast, mmm tasty people blood, order Bella around, obey, watch her sleep, inexplicable lack of restraining orders, CHISLED PERFECT PRETTY CHEST, sparkle, smell, run, fight, sparkle, prom.

The end. Now excuse me while I borrow the next one.